maddening

shit.
the world moves in different directions. different levels. different phases. phrases. in different phrases. low and high. yes and no. here and there. now and then.it depresses you, only cuz its depressed. its depressed cuz in you there is world thats depressed like the one out there. lets write the depression. live it. celeberate it, for it gives us no choice at all but to live it. but to hate it. but to like it too, cuz in it there is existance. in it the living goes on. chiocelessly seemlessly. pitylessly. in it we live those lives that love us. those we love. in it we see the manifestations of the narscious self destructive selves that give us pain. that seek pleasure. that run the heads that run our heads. that seek the pleasures we have been seeing. that eliminates the pains we seek. that eliminate the pains we run towards. we should psychoanalyse the selves. we, the hundred bunches of crazy fuckedup ones sitting weeping loittering here and there everywhere every time in every possible pain and place. in every probable whining and sinning. we, the depressed souls. me and you. me. you, nomore depressed, cuse i was no more depressed then. but now we are, me and you. the faces that we saw them see us. the faces that we hid from the faces that would see us. the faces of all those everlasting deaths. deaths of faces that we made to show off how nondepressed we were. how depressing they were. the faces that tried to analyse and reanalyse our faces just because they were faces too. whats there in this goddamn face. smile. tear and thats all? the eyes that shrink and bulge, at the same time and the lips that soften and widen in the same moment we can make it too. like we make a doll out of some mud. like me make all that we can make of all that we might have had.like all that. i ve to bath now

goa and all that

to cover distance like a crazy pig is a funny thing and an interesting one too.. and a resting one, so to say. delhi. haha.. the unreconciliable fact that i was am being there and to reach a kanada speaking peoples faces in less than a meal or so, is a real schockingly nice thing. started off, by new faces, the faces that i ve seen long back, other than familiar ones, like that of the bloody relations: the other ones' the more interesting little kids and girls. yuoung girls, those i knew as childrean they were. meeting them all, is not bad either. goa, starts off with battles. thats an old saying i said to myself, almost. long back. now it came true again. though i just watched all the fights with the kids, not cuz i was scared i'd get beaten up, but more cuz i'm kinda shy n all that and then there's no point fighting such a thing, i thought. then twop more fights. lots of bikini girls around. beaches. beach mei anaek stories. and another day, end up here in ananatapur after long. with everyone not bothereing me much abt strifes. just that at times they feel i am mad or something. and othere times, i am a genious obviously. but more of all, the exciting thing is bangalore. i ll be theer mostly. mostly , almost there by day after atleast. meet rashmi. put date. meet sudamsu. abshek. though i ve not told much, anyone abt this visit. and then, meet places. places that saw me. places i saw. i would be pleassured and pleasent to see them all. its nice to see them all. from a boy, knowing nothing, to a bhai, like. its not bad fun. and to see bangalore, here i wait. mg. and every thing else.